My Mother - The Best Role Model

This week we heard from a far away cousin that lives in Alaska. Most of our Alaskan cousins have only been to Michigan once, decades ago. It is so heartwarming to learn what a lasting impact my mother had/has on children. In an email my cousin Peter talks of the visit so long ago and remembers most fondly my mother who was willing to spend time with 10-year old Peter in the condo association swimming pool while the rest of the family was occupied in more important matters.

Mom, who was struggling to learn to swim at that time allowed Peter to take on the role of coach. During the rest of the time during the visit (when they were not swimming) Peter recalls that he buried himself in a Readers Digest Book on American Folklore that he found on my parent's bookshelf. When it was time for our Alaskan cousins to depart my mother stole a moment with Peter and gave him the Reader's Digest book, inscribed with her thanks to her best "swimming coach." In his email Peter reports that he has treasured that book for years and has passed it along to his children when they were ready. One of his daughters was even named for my mother, Mary. What a tribute.

Even over time and miles my mother's special brand of love and attention for the tender souls of children resonates through our extended family.

Today, as great grandma (GG) to Annalise, she is giving us all the gift of her love anew. Mom, thanks for being such a great role model and a source of boundless energy and love.

Of Babies, Blizzards and Extraordinary Grandparents

Today, January 24th, is my son’s 31st birthday. What a day that was – the blizzard of ’78 was just beginning and would soon have the whole state shut down, including the highways. Fortunately my husband and I lived just three blocks from the hospital in Charlevoix. Located on the shore of Lake Michigan, this hospital would welcome a wonderful baby boy to the world. A long and difficult delivery was punctuated by the drama of a historic blizzard that had my hospital roommates coming to the hospital on snow mobiles because the roads were not passable for most cars. I remember looking out the hospital window that late after noon after Evan had arrived and seeing the steely blue lake through the falling snow.

After a 36 hour labor I was ready for a bit of sleep. What a shock to wake up several hours later and not be able to see out the window because the snow had drifted over the roof of the hospital. It was about then that I realized that my son was not in the room with me and I began to worry. I got out of bed and shuffled across the hall to the nursery to investigate. There he was, my son, with a makeshift baby bottle nipple as pacifier in his mouth. Apparently the nurses didn’t want to wake me up to try nursing. Likely fueled by a dramatic post partum effect, I sank to the floor sobbing because I was “unable” to care for my son. Never did I need my mother more than I did that moment.

I don’t remember calling my mother, but it wasn’t long before she and my Dad were at my side, ready to embrace their first grandchild and offer me the love and support I needed as a new mom. It was later that I learned that Mom and Dad braved the blizzard and drove the 200+ miles from Lansing to be there. I’m not sure how long it took, but I know that they were stopped by the State Police because the roads were open only for emergency travel. To them, this was an emergency. It was this passionate love for their ,as yet unseen, grandchild that characterized my parent’s transition into grandparenthood. Over the years, I couldn’t have had a better role model for my own journey from parenthood into the role of grandparent.

Happy Birthday Evan. You are a wonderful young man, a fantastic dad and someday (a long time from now) I hope to witness your transition to a fabulous grandparent.

The Things They Say

Last Monday I arrived at my mother's house for a little birthday dinner celebration. Granddaughter Annalise had spent the day with GG and was very excited about the cupcakes she helped bake and decorate.

Mom and I were having a bit of a conversation over Anna's head about the fact that there had been no nap. Anna picked up on the conversation and began to say things like "GG I am mad at you" and "I don't like you." Intervening, I tried to gently correct this two year old. Soon after, Daddy arrived and we all sat down to dinner. Anna confessed at the table that she was mad at GG, when asked why she said "I was grumpy." Apologies were encouraged, offered and received.

As dinner wound down Anna and Daddy had a little power struggle over finishing the last two bites on her plate. (The lack of nap was definitely beginning to show). Daddy layed out the choice firmly yet lovingly. Anna opted for not eating the last two bites and not having a cupcake, excusing herself from the table. She did come back to me and said in a sad little voice, " I want a cupcake." Not willing to get in the middle I sent her back to Daddy who offered her another chance to finish dinner and have a cupcake. Again, Anna said no. She took herself to the den, got a sticker book and began to play. I joined her after a while and played with her for a while.

Daddy joined us in the den and he and I had a nice reminiscence around the times I had to set limits for him. We laughed about the most dramatic one where I left him standing at a gas station in Petoskey and drove on home to Charlevoix because this stubborn 16 year old would not pump the gas. A little while later Anna disappeared and came out of GG's bedroom with a blanket over her face...when I asked her about it, she dropped the blanket down just far enough to show me that she had a binkie (yes its back) in her mouth. It was so unexpected that we all burst out laughing and Daddy asked Anna if she was ready to go home and go to sleep.

As they were getting ready to go, I thanked Anna for making the cupcakes and asked for a hug and a kiss goodbye - the answer was a definite no. Next GG asked and got the same answer. She was headed for the door with her outdoor gear on when Daddy asked what she was doing...
"Leaving without kisses," she said. Daddy prevailed in changing the attitude and hugs and kisses were given all around. We really have to work on this nap time thing.

Better To Watch Them Receive

It is frustrating as grandparents to select Christmas gifts for our grandchildren and then see the gifts get pushed aside in a mad rush for the next gift. We have the opportunity to foster a much better response if we think our gifts through. With any young child it is hard to keep a lid on the manic rush of holiday gift-giving.


This year was a delightful one with my granddaughter Annalise - for two, maybe three, reasons. First, we paced ourselves with the gift-giving occasions and made sure that there was plenty of time for each gift to be savored. Next, I combined my need to buy cute clothes as gifts with age appropriate gifts such as relevant toys or books. For example a sock monkey doll was included in the gift box with the Christmas pajamas with a sock monkey theme ...plenty of time was spent with the doll that could be made to take on several poses with the help of magnets in the hands and feet. Last, we followed Anna's lead when it came to interacting with the toy or book ...not necessary to learn all the rules of a game, but rather more important to reduce the pressure to use the toy or book in exactly the "right way" and infinitely more rewarding to experience these new toys and books with a real sense of wonder and playfulness, just like the children in our lives.

I confess that my expectations were pretty high for a positive response to the Christmas outfit I had so carefully selected - a plaid jumper, turtle neck shirt, sweater, tights and shiny patent leather shoes. I couldn't wait to see Anna in the outfit. My expectations were quickly surrendered when it became clear that Anna was not interested in putting on a fashion show with this new outfit. She delighted us instead with her willingness to strip off her jeans and sneakers to put on pretty pink tights and the shiny patent leather shoes that she dubbed "dancing shoes" ...the sweatshirt stayed on in what Daddy called the jazz-tap look. Plenty of time was spent with this gift, as Anna asked "shall we dance?" and then coerced great-grandma to go put on her dancing shoes, getting all in the act for dancing to Christmas music. What a gift from our precious little one.

Wag The Brow

When Anna came to visit this past Sunday she brought a new trick. She has learned to wag her eyebrows - and at the appropriate times. It is absolutely hilarious to see her make a joke or outrageous statement and then wag her brows like Groucho Marx. This from a dainty, girly two year old. Last night when she visited she was at the dining room table and turned her head to the side, so I could only see one eyebrow, wagging them both she said "one brow!"

Thanksgiving Relection

This past Thanksgiving Day was cause for reflection. It was 2 years ago, right after Thanksgiving that my son decided to divorce his wife. I know it was not an easy decision, his biggest consideration being the relationship he would have with his then 5 month old daughter, Annalise.
Since then he has continued to amaze me by the lengths he would go to protect his rights to parent Anna.

Fast-forward 1 year for a fond memory of spending Thanksgiving with my son, his Dad and stepmom, my mother and of course Anna. We were all able to give thanks for the official ending of a difficult year, a finalized divorce and a beautiful little girl that had delivered such joy to each of us.

This year on Thanksgiving Day, Anna was with her mother and family so our day of gratitude was delayed a few days. Nevertheless, my gratitude for this precious human being fills my heart to overflowing and makes a difficult year much, much better.

Too Cute To Change

It seems like children have always been drawn to me - maybe it is because I have a tendency to meet them where they are developmentally, while at the same time recognizing that their intellect and ability to communicate verbally don't always match-up. That means as a general rule I try not to condescend to children, or insult them with baby-talk.

One of my favorite stages of child development is the period of time when language is being acquired. I revel in the journey that children make to communicate their needs and be fully understood. Sometimes I feel like children honor me as a translator for them, creating that link from child to world. It is even more delightful to me to witness the sheer joy children express as they begin to master language and communication with the discovery of wordplay.

When my granddaughter Anna was about one-and-a-half, she kept us all (Daddy, Grandma and GG) in stitches at the dinner table when she discovered the meaning of the word "napkin" (or as she says it "mapkin") and the power that she had to engage her grown-ups in the napkin game. Anybody looking in would have seen three adults lifting up their white napkins and waving them vigorously and joyfully over their head everytime Anna said napkin and waved hers! Even now, months later I can't correct Anna's pronounciation of the word napkin because it is simply too cute to change.

In my humble opinion Anna's vocabulary and communication skills are quite advanced for her age. Yet, for the time being these little language mistakes will be met with only a smile and the resolve to freeze-frame the memory of that darling little girl as she says, among other things: mapkin for napkin; tub-bub for bathtub; packback for backpack; and noising instead of sound.