Better To Watch Them Receive

It is frustrating as grandparents to select Christmas gifts for our grandchildren and then see the gifts get pushed aside in a mad rush for the next gift. We have the opportunity to foster a much better response if we think our gifts through. With any young child it is hard to keep a lid on the manic rush of holiday gift-giving.


This year was a delightful one with my granddaughter Annalise - for two, maybe three, reasons. First, we paced ourselves with the gift-giving occasions and made sure that there was plenty of time for each gift to be savored. Next, I combined my need to buy cute clothes as gifts with age appropriate gifts such as relevant toys or books. For example a sock monkey doll was included in the gift box with the Christmas pajamas with a sock monkey theme ...plenty of time was spent with the doll that could be made to take on several poses with the help of magnets in the hands and feet. Last, we followed Anna's lead when it came to interacting with the toy or book ...not necessary to learn all the rules of a game, but rather more important to reduce the pressure to use the toy or book in exactly the "right way" and infinitely more rewarding to experience these new toys and books with a real sense of wonder and playfulness, just like the children in our lives.

I confess that my expectations were pretty high for a positive response to the Christmas outfit I had so carefully selected - a plaid jumper, turtle neck shirt, sweater, tights and shiny patent leather shoes. I couldn't wait to see Anna in the outfit. My expectations were quickly surrendered when it became clear that Anna was not interested in putting on a fashion show with this new outfit. She delighted us instead with her willingness to strip off her jeans and sneakers to put on pretty pink tights and the shiny patent leather shoes that she dubbed "dancing shoes" ...the sweatshirt stayed on in what Daddy called the jazz-tap look. Plenty of time was spent with this gift, as Anna asked "shall we dance?" and then coerced great-grandma to go put on her dancing shoes, getting all in the act for dancing to Christmas music. What a gift from our precious little one.

Wag The Brow

When Anna came to visit this past Sunday she brought a new trick. She has learned to wag her eyebrows - and at the appropriate times. It is absolutely hilarious to see her make a joke or outrageous statement and then wag her brows like Groucho Marx. This from a dainty, girly two year old. Last night when she visited she was at the dining room table and turned her head to the side, so I could only see one eyebrow, wagging them both she said "one brow!"

Thanksgiving Relection

This past Thanksgiving Day was cause for reflection. It was 2 years ago, right after Thanksgiving that my son decided to divorce his wife. I know it was not an easy decision, his biggest consideration being the relationship he would have with his then 5 month old daughter, Annalise.
Since then he has continued to amaze me by the lengths he would go to protect his rights to parent Anna.

Fast-forward 1 year for a fond memory of spending Thanksgiving with my son, his Dad and stepmom, my mother and of course Anna. We were all able to give thanks for the official ending of a difficult year, a finalized divorce and a beautiful little girl that had delivered such joy to each of us.

This year on Thanksgiving Day, Anna was with her mother and family so our day of gratitude was delayed a few days. Nevertheless, my gratitude for this precious human being fills my heart to overflowing and makes a difficult year much, much better.

Too Cute To Change

It seems like children have always been drawn to me - maybe it is because I have a tendency to meet them where they are developmentally, while at the same time recognizing that their intellect and ability to communicate verbally don't always match-up. That means as a general rule I try not to condescend to children, or insult them with baby-talk.

One of my favorite stages of child development is the period of time when language is being acquired. I revel in the journey that children make to communicate their needs and be fully understood. Sometimes I feel like children honor me as a translator for them, creating that link from child to world. It is even more delightful to me to witness the sheer joy children express as they begin to master language and communication with the discovery of wordplay.

When my granddaughter Anna was about one-and-a-half, she kept us all (Daddy, Grandma and GG) in stitches at the dinner table when she discovered the meaning of the word "napkin" (or as she says it "mapkin") and the power that she had to engage her grown-ups in the napkin game. Anybody looking in would have seen three adults lifting up their white napkins and waving them vigorously and joyfully over their head everytime Anna said napkin and waved hers! Even now, months later I can't correct Anna's pronounciation of the word napkin because it is simply too cute to change.

In my humble opinion Anna's vocabulary and communication skills are quite advanced for her age. Yet, for the time being these little language mistakes will be met with only a smile and the resolve to freeze-frame the memory of that darling little girl as she says, among other things: mapkin for napkin; tub-bub for bathtub; packback for backpack; and noising instead of sound.

No More Binkie

I am a Burton White fan from way back. During my days as a Montessori pre-school directress it was my practice to regularly recommend his book on child development called The First Three Years. I can remember panicking because my son was already 18 months and I felt way behind on fostering the three competencies that White said were set in the first three years- intellectual, social and emotional.

It has been some time since I have been able to witness the development of the intellectual, social and emotional competencies of youngsters under the age of three. Now, as a Grandma of a two-year old, I am continually amazed and thrilled at the opportunity to witness and sometimes participate in the development of these critical competencies in my own granddaughter.

It is easy to watch and even participate in the intellectual and social development of my granddaughter Annalise as I am blessed with the opportunity to spend quality time with her every week - not an easy task within the restraints of a shared custody arrangement managed by my son and his ex-wife. (More on that at a later date.) It is the development of Anna’s emotional competencies that continue to fill me with wonder.

This past weekend my son reported a spontaneous Anna-instigated role play that spoke volumes about how my son is encouraging her emotional growth and the incredible insight of this two-year old. We were all prepared for this weekend to be a difficult one as Daddy was charged with the task of implementing the “no more binkie regime”…we were prepared for difficult sleep time at the least and play time melt downs because of interrupted sleep times.

On Saturday morning, day three of the no-binkie era, Anna was sitting on the stool next her big girl bed and announced she was Daddy. Daddy said “Whom am I?” and Anna replied..”Anna”. My son reports that he crawled into her bed, fully expecting to have a dialogue about binkies. With a pout he pointed to the door of the bedroom the way Anna does when she wakes up and wants to come into the living room with Daddy. Anna cocked her head, shrugged her shoulders and compassionately said “Sorry, no” with no further explanations, exactly like her Daddy. Next he said “ ..sing a song” with a commanding/demanding voice of a two year old. (Singing You Are My Sunshine is part of the nighttime ritual at their house.) My son reported that the sweet little, never before heard, singing voice of Anna singing remembered fragments of the song was enough to bring him to tears. And me too.

The role play ended shortly after that with surprisingly no mention of binkies. Anna gave her Daddy a precious view of how she perceives his compassionate but no nonsense boundary setting. My son’s recounting of this little role play showed me that he is doing a great job at developing all of Anna’s competencies, especially the emotional - which seems very advanced to me, her doting Grandma.